There is a conversation coming with my daughter...and its going to be even more awkward than the one that followed my realization that she was singing, "round yon URCHIN, mother and child" mere hours before the school choir performance.
She wants to know if I believe.
Doubt is starting to flicker in her eyes. I saw it when we met a skinny, fake-bearded Santa at the Mall. I saw it when we unpacked the Christmas decorations and she lined up the photos to see the changes in Santa's visage. I saw it when we picked out food for the foodbank and she questioned why Santa didn't bring some kids as many toys as other kids.
This might be Santa's last visit to our home. The little guy's belief is likely dependant on his sister. If she stops believing, I'm sure he will too...but I'm just not ready.
I would like to believe that when the night is dark and cold, a total stranger
would be willing to fly around the world - for no other reason than to make people smile.
I would like to believe that when my bones ache with worry and I am weary from a
night without sleep, that there are good things coming - for no other reason
than that I have tried to be good all year.
I would like to believe that there are people who devote their lives to
generosity - for no other reason than that it is kind.
I would like to believe...because what I most want her to know in this world is beyond what I know how to teach her. Beyond science. Beyond reason. Beyond something that she can hold in her hands. So for at least one more Christmas, I will give her wonder and magic and hope...in a jolly red suit.
Happy Holidays to each of you. Whatever you believe, and however you celebrate, I hope that this season finds you with a feeling of certainty that joy is on its way.
Hold it close.